Sunday, 1 September 2024

Double Arse Fridays 30th-31st August


 As I type this laying in bed feeling exhausted I reflect on some memories of  number 25 Gillingham St, Preston, a home inhabited by Spira Jaquie and "Boy Boy "aka Lewi. A leafy inner north suburb of Melbourne,  central to most hip cool cafes from Sydney Rd to Northcote & the Fitzroy's.

One of my fondest memories was sitting by the front porch sipping on coffee and watching the world go by , the porch has a waist high wall with some pot plants on top , making for perfect eye spy on who is walking pass and fellow neighbours , our eyes can see out but from the front can never see if someone is sitting behind the wall, also Jaq's quirky art props and sometimes a mannequin of some scary witch or 3 eyed mutated human sitting by the front window or sometimes in the yard, would scare the shit out of me on occasions when visiting... the star and unique feature of this 1950's?? home was the outside dunny perfect for the download I had been holding on to especially after last nights Vindaloo curry, was never a worry of stinking the house out especially when I don't live there or flushing after each log that fell into the void, and the cosy bungalow I stayed in a few times whilst house sitting was also a great addition.

The time had come for move out date for Spira & Jaq  after purchasing a home 5 mins up the road and getting away from greedy landlords, I made way early morning around 9ish just in time for a coffee and a debrief of the plan of the day for moving 100's of art work pieces to be carefully transported in my van in a dedicated art room in the new home which Spira built racks/shelves specifically to fit.

Arriving at the new digs was given a tour, the grand front entrance of beautiful polished marble with speckled white green goldish concrete steps which lead up to the front door with the classic wog white pillars makes for a warm welcome.

For the next three hours we made 3 trips back and fourth was making good progress considering was a delicate operation as the art frames are fragile, we all decided was time for a much needed break and lunch so we piled into the car and headed for Preston Market, a multi cultural culinary choice of food stalls with its colourful people of all walks of life , and also a busker belting out some tunes on a saxophone makes for good vibes.  Jaq and I opted to eat pizza while Spira made a v/line for some borek and sweets which after stuffing my face also got stuck into it, such a great place to sit and people watch. 


Sometimes the view is blocked with daylight starting to turn to dark like a once in a hundred year solar eclipse and the light winter breeze gets stronger the serviettes start flying off the tables , market stalls umbrellas start shaking , the middle aged mens bald comb overs fly up exposing their shiny bald peak shining bright like a light bulb they scurry to the nearest bathroom and with our eyes lured to a persons wide rear end ... I mean big juicy fat arse! its with surprise our eyes are confused and looking at their front arse too as if the person was exposed to Chenobyle and being born with two arses front and back and has overtime become obese , but was not one but two of the similar kind , wearing their tight compression sport pants , I don't think the pants have seen any sport but just being suffocated in their flabs of wobbly lard which begs for more sugary soft drinks and KFC zinger burgers... holy Dooley we also couldn't help but crack a few passing fat jokes around our little round table whilst admiring double bum people such as the classic "how do you find fat women wet spot?"  roll them around in flour!" or " your mum so fat she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller!"   or when a double arsed person gets on the scales the scales say "One at a time please!"   Its also their legs are inverted the curve from the thighs and calves bends in a inward direction  how is this possible?? Was discussion about how they wipe their arse or add an "S" on the end of arse, Jaq reckons they use bum floss and Spira went into the detail of their body anatomy and how things stop working leading them to a premature death.

Soon the sun reappears that strong breeze settles the flying comb over middle aged men reappear from the bathrooms rearranging their slick heads, and we are also off walking back to the car still having a giggle, another front bum reappears in front of us sitting down eating his way to a heart attack  with the extra hanging flab touching the cold concrete, I think the market needs a dedicated lypo suction stall or a paramedic on stand by.

Anyway enough fat shaming sorry to offend anyone reading this, back at Gillingham we were back into it loading various boxes of books art and kitchen stuff into back of the van making a few more trips for the afternoon, the afternoon went quick and with Spira happy with the days progress was around 6ish we called it a day and went for a couple of relaxing beers on Sydney Rd Brunswick, followed by some dinner , after a little explore scouting out some food a bright lit up Nepalese restaurant lured us across the road to suss out the menu, Spira said lets try it!. The atmosphere is like stepping into an airports cafe lounge/ bar restaurant type places with plastic seating tables zero atmosphere, I don't think we were expecting much from the food. 

After been greeted by and handed our laminated menu by our waitress we opted to share some beef momo's in a subtle spicy soup followed by some lamb skewers and a vegetable thali platter , was a bit of confusion on what the lamb skewers were as the menu had an option Jhol skewer or gee hole gee spot...

Food come out was bloody amazing fresh fragrant spicy salty sour notes, we tucked into our Jhol beef and polished the platter and the momo soupy liquid it come in was very delicious! for any one interested reading the place is called Momo Central. 

Was a great end to a busy day and soon turned in for the night after a picking up the trailer at the local service station as the big stuff like couches tables etc... was to be moved the next day.

Saturday morning come around after a reasonable sleep, coffee and eggs on toast we we back into it, I got promoted to driving for the day so was good opportunity to show off my reverse parking with a trailer skills, after the 4th load trip back and fourth I was reversing into the driveway in one single go yeehaaa!!  As the day got on Louies mates come and gave us some help  to carry some heavy duty tables and shelving into and various other items, I think by around 4 pm we were finished and could finally relax , Jaq cooked up some sausages with some yummy bread for a late lunch and some beers.

Followed by some couch time chilling out on the couch for a couple of hours before taking the trailer back and heading back to Gillingham to pick up my car and watching Spira and Jaq collect the last two items Eddie and Kittsy the cats.  Was a great couple of days arse watching and people watching and with that come an end of an era, the final curtain , one door closed and another opened for Spira & Jaq start of a new chapter at the new home to make more memories all the best! 



The End.







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